First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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