Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
