What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's the barista slut.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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