well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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