it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she peed on how many people?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
