I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
