Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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