he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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