we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
