I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
