I just pynch a tree in the face
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
