You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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