Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
