He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
