dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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