I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize