I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this is an emotional support booty call
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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