took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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