well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
