The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
