Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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