$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
