Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
