do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
