So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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