How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
