I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
