he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
