My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
