I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
