You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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