I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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