haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize