I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
