Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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