Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
