So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
