what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
