is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
