note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
