Too much gin, very little bucket
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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