he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
