I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
