Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
