I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
