i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
