My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
