how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
