how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
