where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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