I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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