RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if only i could text you this smell
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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