the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What a dumb baby whore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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