I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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