epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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