Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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