i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
