I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
