either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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