Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
