I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
