Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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