I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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