Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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