yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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