I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
