By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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