Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
