i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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