You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
