I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
