Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
