I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
